On December 29th, 2019 at 5:20pm, with a house full of guests who’d gathered with us to watch the 49ers-Seahawks showdown game, my cellphone rang …

It was Michael – the stage manager for the show I was understudying at Berkeley Repertory Theatre. A show that had just opened the weekend before.

The first words out of the stage manager’s mouth? … “I wish I were making this phone call in a few more weeks.”

You see, I was understudying Becky in Becky Nurse of Salem. As the lead character, she was onstage in every scene for the entire two-and-a-half-hour play.

And just like that, I grabbed my “go bag,” said goodbye to our guests, and headed to the theatre. I took the stage as Becky for the 7pm show that same night in front of what sure as shit seemed like a sold-out crowd!!!

This was potentially THE peak experience of my theatre life.

Cast members marveled at how calm I looked beforehand. They were stunned at just how well it went. When it was over, there was a standing ovation when I stepped forward to bow. I was greeted with “That was incredible,” “You killed it,” and “Beautiful work” from cast members, fellow understudies, the director, as well as the casting director and artistic director of the theatre.

They asked me my secret … how could I possibly pull that off after only one understudy rehearsal (during which we didn’t even finish the play)?

There are a lot of things that contributed to being able to do that – and enjoy the hell out of it – rather than white-knuckling my way through the entire thing.

I was asked, again and again, “How on earth did you do that?” Well …

Bruce Lee said, “We do not rise to the occasion, we fall back on our training.”

I believe I fell back on a lifetime of training in order to rise to the occasion.

Theatre training from the age of seven as well as a powerful leadership training program taught me many things – most importantly that my power does not come from control and having my ducks in a row. My power lies in surrendering and creating from whatever is present in the moment. Over the years, I’ve learned more and more deeply in my bones just how true that is.

I also worked responsibly, diligently, and creatively to prepare for the role. And my theatre and leadership training helped me surrender deeply into the present moment during the performance.

Just before curtain, I set my necklace, with my leadership penguin charm, the charm with my mother’s ashes, and my “Believe” charm down on my spot in the dressing room. I sourced my leadership tribe, my ancestors, and every bit of magic that wanted to flow through me and channeled what was meant to flow through me that day.

Acting and speaking have a lot in common. I use my lifetime of experience with both to help my clients prepare so they can rise to the occasion during their big moments.

When I was 7, my mom found me in our backyard acting like Cindy Brady, with my hair pinned up in curled pigtails.

She immediately took me to an acting class.

Theatre was the first place I was able to be fully myself. With a tribe of people who valued creativity, who held a mirror up to life, who knew how to be present with each other in a way that most of the world doesn’t. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was my first spiritual zone.

The feeling of flow. Time standing still.

20 years later, I was working an office job during the day and doing theatre at night. Working way too much overall.

Every time a show ended I would go through a post-show depression when I went back to work. I remember a moment when someone asked me to fax something and this voice inside of me said “Don’t you know I’m meant for greater things?”

And I was, but I was keeping myself small. I was the child of two alcoholics who’d met in AA and then had me. I was doing what I thought other people wanted of me and being who I thought they needed me to be.

The “good” one. The child who grew up free of the disease of alcoholism. The one who colored between the lines and didn’t do anything too wild or “out there”.

Even though I was onstage all the time as an actor, I secretly had a love – hate relationship with being seen.

One exercise during an acting class cracked my protective shell wide open.

The entire group was focused on me. Challenging me with different improv situations. I kept trying to “pull myself together” in between scenes, when I heard my teacher tell me not to do that, to just be where I am and let everything (tears included) flow.

“I’m not that comfortable having everyone’s eyes on me”, I blurted out. To which he replied, “You’ve chosen a strange set of careers for yourself, then. Part of you wants this.”

Part of me did. Part of me knew I was meant to be seen.

By the end of that exercise layers of protection had melted away. I looked around the room and felt like I was in tune with everyone else. I could see through their layers of protection to their hearts and souls. It was a moment of Oneness.

As an actor, a teacher and a person, I had moments when everything flowed effortlessly. I surrendered to the present moment, found my voice and inspired others.

Other times, I felt like I couldn’t find my voice. Sometimes I felt like a porcelain doll – sitting in the corner, unable to think or speak, or move. Sometimes I would speak, but felt like the Real Me was trapped inside of a deranged manikin wanting to SCREAM, “Wait! That’s not how I wanna say it!”

So I embarked on a quest to find out how to speak authentically and powerfully when it mattered most.

I left my executive assistant job to study and teach acting full time.

There had always been a voice from within that kept calling to me to live a more aligned life.

I thought that meant being in theater full time and doing that forever. But the Universe had something else in store for me.

While studying acting in grad school, I played Hecate in Macbeth. Less than a week before opening night, I FINALLY got the Hecate mask. In an ideal world, working with a character mask is supposed to be a sacred, PRIVATE, spacious process. We didn’t have that kind of time! So, I had to quickly channel something from deep within me through the mask in order to unleash the character.

That day, with 40 PEOPLE WATCHING, I summoned every ounce of courage I could find. I made slow, raw, primal sounds until I found Hecate’s voice. It was vulnerable and intense (for everyone). It was as if I was discovering the ability to speak.

I NOW KNOW I was learning the path to speaking authentically and powerfully.

There was one piece left to discover…

UNDERSTANDING LEADERSHIP.

6 years later, the same voice that had me commit to acting full time, nudged me to sign up for a Leadership program.

Leadership was about being fully me … all the time, everywhere.

One day we all did a tree climbing ropes course in honor of our Life Purpose. I dedicated my climb to being deeply present in the moment, while expressing myself authentically on my voice. I had a crying birthing tantrum on the side of the tree, and then scaled the rest of the tree like Spider Man. Everyone else thought “If that RawThentic mess (aka courageous leader) can do it, so can I.” And they did!

I discovered that leadership means being present in the moment and accepting what is, while also moving forward with PURPOSE to create the change you want to create in the world.

Carpe Diem!
I’m madly in love with a man whose weirdness is totally compatible with mine. We support, challenge and adore each other. We make each other laugh till we cry. I see his soul through his eyes and allow him to see mine.

Life is my spiritual zone. My spiritual work feeds my human experience and the other way around. I’m using my empathic superpowers to do work that I love day and night.

I love embodying unique and complex characters that hold a mirror up to humanity in theatre by night.

I love helping people find their voice, stand in their power and speak their truth by day.

It feeds my soul to share the answers that I’ve found on my journey.

I get to help my clients face and overcome the same challenges I had when I was torn between the porcelain doll and the deranged manikin. I’m honored to witness so many unique and beautiful souls as they break free and get heard.

I’m stepping into my most intuitive, courageous self. I call others forth to share their message and sing their life’s greatest song. We’re working from that head-to-toe alive place that’s beyond their wildest dreams – and I’m loving every freakin’ minute of it!

Together, we can help raise human consciousness and create transformational change in the world.

Let’s do this!