In September of 2015, I found myself deeply depressed in a 29-year marriage that was no longer working, both of my children were in college, and I was terrified to leave and be on my own. I felt trapped with no way out. I was contacted by one of my mentors who was offering a fire walk facilitation training program. There were two things that I was terrified of being alone and walking on fire. I decided to take the fire walk facilitation course in order to conquer my fear of fire first.

The week-long training was grueling. It entailed breaking arrows from my throat, walking 7 – 10 feet of red hot coals every night, walking on broken glass, bending a 10-foot piece of rebar from my throat (I still have that piece of rebar), and in order to graduate, the final was walking 40 feet of red-hot coals.

Every night we would discuss our training that day, how it impacted us, and what we needed to do to be better the next day. We would sit together and encourage and support each other as we walked our nightly 7 – 10 feet of red hot coals preparing for our final walk. I discovered that mindset was everything. If you are down and depressed, you should not walk on fire. Everyone has Qi energy; the fire has its own Qi energy. Your Qi energy must be at minimum as high as the Qi of the fire, otherwise you will get burned

You would think that I was brave in order to take this on, but as a matter of fact, I was the complete opposite, at least in my mind I was. As soon as I found out about the 40 feet, I went into a downward spiral, convinced that I was going to end up getting my feet burned, be in terrible pain, and end up in the emergency room in a hospital, having my feet amputated because they were so badly burned. My poor classmates, I can’t imagine what they had to endure with me in that program. I became a total whiny bitch. I cried, became a victim, felt sorry for myself, and often became inconsolable. When I think back on that experience, I realized that it was a metaphor for how I lived my life.

I grew up with undiagnosed learning disabilities and went to kindergarten a year early. I was the youngest in my class and everyone could read, write and do their numbers. I was lost. This began a cycle of years of feeling stupid, poor grades, spending every summer of my childhood in summer school and getting punished for bad report cards. My self-esteem was very low, and I thought that everyone was smarter than I was. I gave my power away to anyone who I thought knew more than I did.

What I didn’t realize was that because I didn’t learn well in conventional settings and struggled with memorizing information, I discovered that I was creative, artistic and had the ability to solve problems. I have the ability to think outside the box. The more I studied, the more confidence I gained. I became a Certified Hypnotherapist, Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming, and Energy Medicine Practitioner. These certifications are just to name a few. My insecurity of thinking I was stupid drove me to prove to myself and to others that I was smart.

The problem was that I am really smart in things that most of my friends and family didn’t understand. I couldn’t talk about what I had learned and I found myself living a dual life, one of a conventional soccer Mom or I like to say, Lacrosse Mom and I had a wellness center and private practice seeing clients. I didn’t know what to call myself, let alone try and explain it to others. Marketing myself became a nightmare. My ex-husband didn’t want me talking about my work and my beliefs around him, his co-workers or our friends. In order to stay in our marriage, I tried to hide who I was until I couldn’t hide it anymore. Depression set in. I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, and I had no energy for life. When my mentor asked me if I wanted to take the fire walking course, I thought, why not, I have nothing else to lose.

Something very powerful happens when we face our fears. It changes us in ways we could never imagine.

So how did my fire walk go? I stood by and watched all of my classmates walk on the coals, slowly, methodically and with great courage. I watched them go one by one in awe. As I stood there ready to go, I began to feel faint. I wanted to run. I wanted to be anywhere but there. I began to cry and shake. I thought that they were all stronger and braver than I was. One of my fellow firewalkers walked up to me, he had been at the other end of the 10-foot rebar when we walked together in unison in order to bend it from our throats. I trusted him implicitly. He was also crazy enough to do somersaults across one of our practice walks during the week. I still hear his words in my head today. He asked me how much fire I had already walked this week? I responded, well, we walked at least 7 -10 feet of red-hot coals for 6 consecutive nights. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, you have already walked 40 feet this week. This walk should be a piece of cake, now go! Off I went! It felt surreal. I was floating above the coals and never felt them. When I reached the other side, there was a bell that we were to ring signifying we had completed our training. I walked to the bell and rang it, turned around and there were my classmates clapping and cheering. I stood there and took it all in for what seemed like an eternity. Something inside me had changed. Something made me realize that if I could face my fears all week by walking broken glass, breaking arrows and rebar from my throat and now walk over 40 feet of fire, I could do anything I set my mind to.

My journey began over 20 years ago when traumatic childhood memories came up and I struggled with how to deal with them. I went for conventional therapy, enrolled in an intensive therapy program and nothing helped. I knew conventional methods weren't working, my depression got worse. I decided to try something different and it saved my life. After years of studying and training in cutting edge methods, I discovered that I had the ability to help others solve very complex problems in work and in their personal lives, quickly. At 54, I found myself ending a 29-year marriage, moving to a new state where I didn’t know a soul and started my life over again. I now have two books that I have published, In Every Belief is a LIe and a collaborative book, Business Life and the Universe volume six.