Have you ever had an incident in your life that impacted everything going forward?

I have had two.

This first one is not easy for me to share, but it has played a tremendous part in shaping who I have become.

When I was an early teen, I was sexually molested for two years by someone I loved and trusted.

Of course, I felt violated, betrayed, humiliated and ashamed.

All the love I had built up for this person turned to the black poison of hate and it hurt and it sucked.

I was mad at God because I could not understand how He could allow that to happen if I was so precious in His sight.

My parents put me into therapy, which made me feel worse because I struggled so much with my feelings I could barely communicate or express them.

In group therapy, I almost felt guilty for being there because the horrible things these girls had endured seemed so much more intense than my situation. I actually thought, “I do not belong here. What I have been through was not this bad. I was not raped, I was not choked. I was touched where I was not supposed to be touched.”

I did not understand that I was not there to compare my trauma. I was not aware that however I needed to grieve and heal was ok, and that it was ok to not be ok.

My faith was strong and even though I was angry about this brief chapter in my life, I told God, “The only way that this makes any sense to me is that you need me to someday share this story for someone who needs to hear it, to give them hope that life goes on and life can still be good.”

I knew I could not squeeze my eyes tight and hope that I was having a nightmare that would magically disappear when I would reopen my eyes.

What I wanted more than anything was to remove the hate I felt pouring through my essence. I wanted to forgive and love that person again.

It took years and diligent effort to work through my healing. I had some very close friends and trusted adults who helped me along my journey.

Over time, I was able to heal, to forgive, to restore the relationship and to love again.

Here are some of the most important lessons I learned that I want to pass on.

➝ This is my life and I get to choose how I want to live it on my terms. No one else gets to tell me how I should feel, how I should grieve or how I should heal. I do what works for me. I believe you get to choose life on your terms too. Be you, do you.

➝ Life is not always a dream, it is sometimes a nightmare. Live it anyway. As Robert Schuller said it, “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” We build resilience, perseverance, strength, confidence, self worth and self respect when we choose to be victorious over adversity and challenges.

➝ It is possible to forgive what seems unforgivable. We can rage and rant and even hate. We can also choose peace. Les Brown says, “Keep in mind that forgiving is not for others. It is for you. Forgiving is not forgetting. It is remembering without anger.”

➝ Life does not happen to us, it happens for us. We cannot control everything around us or what others say or do to us. Our power is in how we choose to respond. In choosing to remain positive and optimistic about life and the people who live in the world with us, we keep ourselves open to the greatness that life has to offer and open to the joy that resides within us.

➝ No one’s life is perfect with unicorns and rainbows and winning lottery tickets. Some of us encounter the unthinkable. Some of us are challenged with more than we feel we can handle. And still we push and do whatever it takes to get through another day, maybe at first just to survive. With continued persistence, we make our way to thrive.

➝ These are the stories that others need to hear so that they know that getting to another side is possible. You have a voice that will resonate with others who need you.

As for the second incident that impacted everything in my life going forward, that's for another day.

I am fulfilling the dream of my eight-year-old inner child, the little girl who fell in love with public speaking as she was leaving the sanctuary after proclaiming The Word in front of a large congregation and felt a shiver ripple through her body, provoking her to ask, "what is that feeling?" and has been chasing it ever since.

Ten years ago, I was living the dream. I was with my family on a 23-day holiday across the four major islands of Hawaii. During one of those sunsets, I was watching my husband with his camera and lens on his face like the nose of Pinocchio trying to get the right photo of the golden hour. I was holding my young teenage daughter in my arms at my side. On the other side, I was witnessing my stepson and his girlfriend having a sweet moment. I was thinking of how awesome the scenery was with the glowing orb setting on the horizon of the sapphire ocean while casting hues of pink and purple across the sky. I was thinking how incredible it was that I was experiencing a paradise that not many people get even once in a lifetime.

And then it hit me, that I was standing there only thinking.

I wasn't feeling the moment.

I was standing there as a shell of a woman, covered in what I call "just". Yes, that's dust with a "j".

I was just a wife. I was just a stay-at-home mom. I was just a stepmom. I was just a daughter. I was just a sister. I was just a friend.

I was just this numb human unable to figure out, "Who is Ly Smith?"

I made a decision right then and there to go on a quest to answer that question when I return stateside.

I also decided that I wanted a word to anchor my journey, and I chose the word "laugh."

That quest started on the couch, watching reruns of "Friends", my favorite sitcom. I went to the improv show presented by the local comedy troupe nearly every weekend the first few weeks of that year. And I got myself in close proximity of the people at the networking events I knew had a great sense of humor with the hope that some of their energy would rub off on me.

In eight months' time, I reclaimed my joy, remembered my inner child and how I love chasing the feeling of giving an audience an aha moment and raising the energy in the room. I went on to become an award winning international speaker and a best seller author. I revitalized my health and restored my then dying marriage.

After much self reflection and integrating my passion for personal development and positive psychology, I created UpCycle Coaching and the C.A.N.D.Y. Method, which I now use to serve high achieving women inside of my G3 Mastermind and G3 Creator Circle.

I am on a mission to transform the REACTOR into the bold CREATOR in life, by giving them a proven framework to rewrite their narrative and rewire their self talk so that they can shine into their Genius, Gifts and Greatness.