It was an ordinary Tuesday. I was between appointments and stopped at Sam’s Club to pick up a few things.
When I came out to get in my car, my electric blue Mini Cooper wasn’t where I parked it. It’s usually easy to spot in a parking lot.

As I walked further into the lot I spotted my Mini next to a minivan and a man with a cell phone
to his ear.

I quickly realized I had not set my parking brake, and the car had rolled down a slight incline and hit his rear fender. I walked up, and before I could say anything he stated, “I am a minister. Ihave a parishioner in the hospital. I don’t have time to deal with this.”

Startled by his tone, I replied, “I am so sorry. This is obviously my fault. I will take care of it. You’re in a hurry; let’s exchange information, and you can get on your way.”

“Oh, no, we need photographs to document this is your fault,” he came back. Neither of us had a photo feature on our cell phone. Looking around, he said, “Maybe we should call the police.” I said,“If you’d like to call the police, that’s fine. Although I’ll give you my insurance company’s information. I’m not sure the police will come to a parking lot.”

As he called the police, I leaned into my car and put the parking break on to prevent any further damage.
He hung up his phone and said, “The police won’t come,” with an air of frustration.

I felt stuck. Nothing I offered seemed to move him to solution. I was even taking full responsibility, and it didn’t help. Then, I remembered to apply what I teach: Change your statements to acknowledgments, questions, or both.
I calmly inquired, “Tell me about your parishioner in the hospital.” As if I had flipped a switch, his demeanor totally changed. He shared the details of his parishioner’s situation. I listened intently.

This moved us to a different space. He called his insurance agent to ask for advice. I overheard him say, “She
seems really nice.”

He hung up the phone and suggested he get some quotes on his car and that perhaps we could settle this without insurance companies. I said, “I’d really like that!”

He later admitted to me that when he saw my car, he had made an assumption that it must be some young, irresponsible kid driving the car. The next day I received a phone call; it was the minister, and he said, “It
was so nice to meet you yesterday!”

Do you ever find yourself in a struggle with someone, and all the apologies and explanations get you nowhere?
Statements of apology and responsibility got me nowhere.

A sincere inquiry acknowledging his stress made all the difference.

From Black Mark to Black Belt: A Journey of Transformation

As one of the first female engineers in my company, I was determined to excel. Little did I know that my greatest challenge—and ultimate transformation—would come from conflict.

Early in my career, I encountered a brilliant but overbearing team leader. His constant criticism left me questioning my abilities and retreating into silence. Seeking guidance, I turned to my boss, who seemed at a loss for how to help.

One day, I finally stood up to the team leader. The private applause from my colleagues was validating, but the black mark on my record was a stark reminder that speaking up isn't always enough—culture and leadership matter.

I realized I was in an environment that lacked respectful exploration of differences, constructive feedback, and the value of professional development.

Fortunately, my next team experience was collaborative, drawing out the best in each member. We produced groundbreaking innovations, contributing to the technology we use today. This stark contrast fueled my passion for transforming workplace cultures.

A seismic shift happened in my life when I discovered Aikido, which revealed a powerful approach to handling differences that honors both self and others. Inspired, I developed "Spiral Impact," a method for guiding people on how to master conflict, foster positive engagement, and drive innovation.

​I'm on a mission to help others turn conflict into opportunity. Join me in transforming workplaces and relationships, one interaction at a time.