Elaine Belson, LCSW-C

Title: Psychotherapist/Coach/Speaker

Mental Health Care

Education: BA in Psychology, University of Maryland, College Park - MSW, University of Maryland at Baltimore
Washington D.C., DC, USA

Biography

Elaine Belson has 30 years combined clinical, military, political and speaking experience. She's worked in a variety of settings, including community agencies, hospitals, colleges and combat zones. At the age of 42, Ms. Belson joined the US Army, deploying to Afghanistan, where she served as the Executive Officer (XO) for Medical Command. In addition to her therapy/coaching practice, Ms. Belson hosts a YouTube channel, “Ask the Therapist,” where she answers your mental health questions in under a minute. She has a knack for speaking in sound-bites and has dozens of analogies, idioms and 3-step strategies she calls "mantras."

Passion

Helping women ditch their inner bully using my "Embrace Your Humanity!" method. In my experience, women are hard on themselves as a coping mechanism for fear of rejection and failure. Positive and practical, "Embrace Your Humanity!" empowers women to harness their innate abilities using emotion and reason. I teach women how to stop using other people as "mirrors" for a sense of self and to self-validate using "Be your own best friend," and the "Opposite of the Golden Rule." I also teach women how to "be like Columbo without the trench coat and cigar," to learn from their mistakes without judgment, and to hold others accountable for how they manage their feelings and communicate.

Best Story

I call this my "Bed, Bath & Beyond moment." Coming out of the store, I began to rehash a conversation I had just had. I felt compelled to do it, driven by fear of rejection and failure and feelings of inadequacy: I'm not good enough, I'm undeserving or there's something inherently wrong with me. Of course, this is the opposite of what I told others: "Just be yourself, don't worry about what other people think, you're fine the way you are." That's when I decided, "I'm getting in my car, driving away and never looking back." From that moment on, any time I started being hard on myself, I would stop and say, "I'm good enough the way that I am." This doesn't mean perfect. I'll make mistakes, but being hard on myself is not the way to avoid them. This was the start of my "Embrace Your Humanity!" method.

Origin Story

I have always followed my passion, which has led to a variety of rich experiences: theatre actor, sewing business, children's book writing, teaching, legislative positions, and US Army. Sometimes the lessons were uncomfortable, but always rewarding. And they make great stories! It has taught me that true passion is being able to get up every day and look forward to what you're doing.

Example talks

Embrace Your Humanity!

How we function in our personal relationships, the workplace and society is inextricably linked to how we think, feel, problem-solve, and communicate. Yet we live in a society that dismisses mental health. Embrace Your Humanity! teaches how to harness your innate abilities, particularly emotions, to make good decisions.

Human beings have feelings for the same reason they experience pain and hunger. They are a survival mechanism - information of a need or threat they’re overlooking. By acknowledging all your feelings (needs), where they're coming from and what’s in your control, you achieve balance - the essence of well-being.

Takeaways:

  • Learn why feelings are practical and necessary to make good decisions.
  • Learn the 3-step process for harnessing your emotions to you can problem-solve.
  • Learn how to evaluate yourself by being "Columbo without the trench coat and cigar."

Ditch Your Inner Bully! Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Do you feel inadequate and undeserving, and assume others see you that way? Do you feel like a cup with a hole in it: no matter how much positive feedback you get, you need more? Do you treat others like mirrors: in other words, how you feel about yourself depends on how others react? Do you mind-read, second-guess yourself, anticipate other people’s reactions, compare yourself to others, self-criticize and overanalyze?

Working with women for over three decades, I’ve been struck by how many struggle with feelings of inadequacy. My colleagues have observed this, too. Women compensate for feelings of inadequacy by being hard on themselves. Of course, inner bullying further lowers a woman's self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle.

Takeaways:

  • Overcome feelings of inadequacy and stop the people pleasing, perfectionism and self-bullying.
  • Gain insights you won't hear anywhere else, based on 30 years of clinical experience.
  • Stop being hard on yourself even if past efforts have failed.
  • Set boundaries and assert yourself without "looking for permission."
  • Stop using people as mirrors for a sense-of-self and learn how to self-validate.

Stop Worrying FOREVER!

One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that it’s interchangeable with worry. Not so. Anxiety is an emotion. Worrying is a thought process. Anxiety is a normal reaction to feeling out of control. Worrying is a coping strategy, albeit an ineffective one. Anxiety is innate. Worrying is a choice.

It saddens me that so many struggle with incessant worrying – interfering with sleep, disrupting their productivity, making them depressed. It’s so unnecessary! You may have heard of the “fight, flight or freeze” response. The sensation you know as anxiety is your body revving up to protect you from a threatening situation. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but so is touching a hot stove! It’s there for a reason. It’s how people cope with anxiety that’s the problem.

You don't need to worry to manage anxiety. In fact, worrying only makes you feel more anxious. Learn what does work so you can stop worrying for good.

Takeaways:

  • Why anxiety isn't your enemy or something to talk yourself out of. 
  • The 3 types of anxiety.
  • The 3 areas in your control. 
  • How to reduce anxiety by problem-solving and "arming your toolbox." 
  • The power of mindfulness in managing anxiety. 
Ms. Belson is currently working on a book, "Mantras for Managing Anxiety." She will share some of her mantras in this workshop. 

Communication: It's More Complicated Than You Think

Workshops and books that teach communication skills are only scratching the surface. Good communication requires an understanding of a relationship's underlying dynamics - that is, why people react the way they do. It's like learning a new language, but it can be learned! Based on 30 years of practice, Ms. Belson has developed a list of "16 Principals of Communication," that are essential in any situation, easy to understand, remember and apply. 

Takeaways:

  • Ms. Belson's "16 Principles of Communication."
  • Why good communication has less to do with skill and more to do with underlying dynamics.
  • How to apply Principles in a variety of settings.

Parenting 101

With a background in play therapy, I've been helping parents work smarter, not harder for over 30 years. 

Takeaways:

  • What "mirroring" is and why it's integral to your child's self-esteem.
  • How parenting is like a backyard fence. 
  • How your relationship with your child is your most powerful tool.
  • Core developmental concepts that should shape every parent's interventions.
  • Techniques for fostering compliance and empowering your child to make good decisions. 
  • Myths about parenting.
  • Do's and don'ts of parenting.

Teamwork: the NBEI Way

Most organizations go straight to problem-solving before identifying underlying needs, creating competing agendas and personal conflicts. This workshop teaches groups how to work as a team in 4 phases: Identify Needs, where there is consensus, Brainstorming, Evaluating (including consolidating and resource assessment), and Implementation. This workshop will also cover communication tools (aka reverse psychology) for avoiding conflict, such as praising, identifying common ground, and holding others accountable.

Takeaways:

  • Avoid power struggles by externalizing the problem and identifying underlying needs.
  • Use a 4-part strategy to develop an action plan for success.
  • Communicate using reverse psychology techniques that build trust and "disarm" disruptors.

Police Brutality and the Art of De-Escalation

As a Behavioral Health Officer in the Army, I handled domestic violence cases and taught anger management to Soldiers. When recounting an altercation, Soldiers described a sequence of events escalating into violence. I call this phenomenon the “domino effect.” When you push on the first domino in a row, they all fall. But remove just one and you alter the outcome. So, it is with law enforcement: most violent altercations with the public are the culmination of a series of choices.

As we study the events leading up to police brutality, there are any number of decisions – some large, some small – that, if altered, can prevent tragic outcomes. There are four factors that play a role in the outcome of a call: emotional regulation, perception of events, physical reactions, and communication. In this presentation, we look at how to train officers to de-escalate and avoid unnecessary violence using these four components.

Takeaways:

  • Learn the four factors associated with violence among law enforcement.
  • Learn how each factor plays a role in violence.
  • Learn how a comprehensive approach to training program to prevent and deescalate violence.

Featured Video

My Podcast

I am willing to travel

Up to 100 miles

When it comes to payments

Everything is negotiable

Topics

mental health self improvement self care assertiveness training communication skills motivational speaker team building anxiety depression self esteem increase confidence worry perfectionism anger management leadership empowering women feelings insight relationships managing people psychology social worker psychotherapy and counseling psychology coping with stress military lifestyle stigma parenting podcasting imposter syndrome stress emotional intelligence womens empowerment womens events washington dc worklife balance podcast guest podcast host virtual speaker

Best Story

I call this my "Bed, Bath & Beyond moment." Coming out of the store, I began to rehash a conversation I had just had. I felt compelled to do it, driven by fear of rejection and failure and feelings of inadequacy: I'm not good enough, I'm undeserving or there's something inherently wrong with me. Of course, this is the opposite of what I told others: "Just be yourself, don't worry about what other people think, you're fine the way you are." That's when I decided, "I'm getting in my car, driving away and never looking back." From that moment on, any time I started being hard on myself, I would stop and say, "I'm good enough the way that I am." This doesn't mean perfect. I'll make mistakes, but being hard on myself is not the way to avoid them. This was the start of my "Embrace Your Humanity!" method.

Origin Story

I have always followed my passion, which has led to a variety of rich experiences: theatre actor, sewing business, children's book writing, teaching, legislative positions, and US Army. Sometimes the lessons were uncomfortable, but always rewarding. And they make great stories! It has taught me that true passion is being able to get up every day and look forward to what you're doing.

Example talks

Embrace Your Humanity!

How we function in our personal relationships, the workplace and society is inextricably linked to how we think, feel, problem-solve, and communicate. Yet we live in a society that dismisses mental health. Embrace Your Humanity! teaches how to harness your innate abilities, particularly emotions, to make good decisions.

Human beings have feelings for the same reason they experience pain and hunger. They are a survival mechanism - information of a need or threat they’re overlooking. By acknowledging all your feelings (needs), where they're coming from and what’s in your control, you achieve balance - the essence of well-being.

Takeaways:

  • Learn why feelings are practical and necessary to make good decisions.
  • Learn the 3-step process for harnessing your emotions to you can problem-solve.
  • Learn how to evaluate yourself by being "Columbo without the trench coat and cigar."

Ditch Your Inner Bully! Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Do you feel inadequate and undeserving, and assume others see you that way? Do you feel like a cup with a hole in it: no matter how much positive feedback you get, you need more? Do you treat others like mirrors: in other words, how you feel about yourself depends on how others react? Do you mind-read, second-guess yourself, anticipate other people’s reactions, compare yourself to others, self-criticize and overanalyze?

Working with women for over three decades, I’ve been struck by how many struggle with feelings of inadequacy. My colleagues have observed this, too. Women compensate for feelings of inadequacy by being hard on themselves. Of course, inner bullying further lowers a woman's self-esteem, creating a vicious cycle.

Takeaways:

  • Overcome feelings of inadequacy and stop the people pleasing, perfectionism and self-bullying.
  • Gain insights you won't hear anywhere else, based on 30 years of clinical experience.
  • Stop being hard on yourself even if past efforts have failed.
  • Set boundaries and assert yourself without "looking for permission."
  • Stop using people as mirrors for a sense-of-self and learn how to self-validate.

Stop Worrying FOREVER!

One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that it’s interchangeable with worry. Not so. Anxiety is an emotion. Worrying is a thought process. Anxiety is a normal reaction to feeling out of control. Worrying is a coping strategy, albeit an ineffective one. Anxiety is innate. Worrying is a choice.

It saddens me that so many struggle with incessant worrying – interfering with sleep, disrupting their productivity, making them depressed. It’s so unnecessary! You may have heard of the “fight, flight or freeze” response. The sensation you know as anxiety is your body revving up to protect you from a threatening situation. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but so is touching a hot stove! It’s there for a reason. It’s how people cope with anxiety that’s the problem.

You don't need to worry to manage anxiety. In fact, worrying only makes you feel more anxious. Learn what does work so you can stop worrying for good.

Takeaways:

  • Why anxiety isn't your enemy or something to talk yourself out of. 
  • The 3 types of anxiety.
  • The 3 areas in your control. 
  • How to reduce anxiety by problem-solving and "arming your toolbox." 
  • The power of mindfulness in managing anxiety. 
Ms. Belson is currently working on a book, "Mantras for Managing Anxiety." She will share some of her mantras in this workshop. 

Communication: It's More Complicated Than You Think

Workshops and books that teach communication skills are only scratching the surface. Good communication requires an understanding of a relationship's underlying dynamics - that is, why people react the way they do. It's like learning a new language, but it can be learned! Based on 30 years of practice, Ms. Belson has developed a list of "16 Principals of Communication," that are essential in any situation, easy to understand, remember and apply. 

Takeaways:

  • Ms. Belson's "16 Principles of Communication."
  • Why good communication has less to do with skill and more to do with underlying dynamics.
  • How to apply Principles in a variety of settings.

Parenting 101

With a background in play therapy, I've been helping parents work smarter, not harder for over 30 years. 

Takeaways:

  • What "mirroring" is and why it's integral to your child's self-esteem.
  • How parenting is like a backyard fence. 
  • How your relationship with your child is your most powerful tool.
  • Core developmental concepts that should shape every parent's interventions.
  • Techniques for fostering compliance and empowering your child to make good decisions. 
  • Myths about parenting.
  • Do's and don'ts of parenting.

Teamwork: the NBEI Way

Most organizations go straight to problem-solving before identifying underlying needs, creating competing agendas and personal conflicts. This workshop teaches groups how to work as a team in 4 phases: Identify Needs, where there is consensus, Brainstorming, Evaluating (including consolidating and resource assessment), and Implementation. This workshop will also cover communication tools (aka reverse psychology) for avoiding conflict, such as praising, identifying common ground, and holding others accountable.

Takeaways:

  • Avoid power struggles by externalizing the problem and identifying underlying needs.
  • Use a 4-part strategy to develop an action plan for success.
  • Communicate using reverse psychology techniques that build trust and "disarm" disruptors.

Police Brutality and the Art of De-Escalation

As a Behavioral Health Officer in the Army, I handled domestic violence cases and taught anger management to Soldiers. When recounting an altercation, Soldiers described a sequence of events escalating into violence. I call this phenomenon the “domino effect.” When you push on the first domino in a row, they all fall. But remove just one and you alter the outcome. So, it is with law enforcement: most violent altercations with the public are the culmination of a series of choices.

As we study the events leading up to police brutality, there are any number of decisions – some large, some small – that, if altered, can prevent tragic outcomes. There are four factors that play a role in the outcome of a call: emotional regulation, perception of events, physical reactions, and communication. In this presentation, we look at how to train officers to de-escalate and avoid unnecessary violence using these four components.

Takeaways:

  • Learn the four factors associated with violence among law enforcement.
  • Learn how each factor plays a role in violence.
  • Learn how a comprehensive approach to training program to prevent and deescalate violence.