A story from my TEDxStLouis talk:

What’s been fascinating to me over the years, is how listening to music in a different way - not just for entertainment, background atmosphere, relaxation or wellness – but rather, listening to music as an expression of another human being, has helped me increase self-compassion, and develop my skills of tolerance, and empathy.

It started years ago for me, with heavy metal music.

Our boys love metal music, so we listened to it every day on the way to school.
• I didn’t understand this music,
• I didn’t like it,
• it felt angry, loud and forceful,
• it was uncomfortable to listen to,
• and yet I endured it because the boys loved it.

Then, one day I decided to stop judging it, because, as a mother, I was curious to understand why they liked it. So I asked one question, “What are they saying?” That one question opened a floodgate of unexpected connections. The boys told me about the myths and legends conveyed through the music, and stories of pain and tragedy the musicians had gone through.

In the days that followed, my heart opened, mind opened, to hear this music as an expression of another human being.
I learned a lot and understood why the boys liked it. It became easier to listen to. My tolerance increased, and I felt a deeper connection with the boys and the musicians.

I was surprised how one questions could create these feelings of Empathy - which is the "ability to understand and share the feelings of another."

I grew up surrounded by unconditional love and support, adopted by music teachers who nurtured my natural gifts. Despite all the opportunities for connection, I carried a deep melancholy and sense of not belonging. Unconscious walls of protection perpetuated the illusion of safety and feelings of being rejected and abandoned. Life became a house of mirrors when I married, had children, and began co-creating music, programs, and research intended to inspire connection.

The first of many mirrors broke with a breast cancer diagnosis in December, 2010 and another in December, 2012. I took this opportunity to slow down and discover how to love myself rather than seek it from the outside. Patterns and unconscious beliefs surfaced as the energy necessary to hold them down was redirected toward healing. Self-compassion grew as reflections of past actions revealed the often true motivation was fear and my need to feel accepted, valued, and loved.

Recognizing the fullness within, I now use music as a metaphor for life to continue my journey of self-discovery while offering Programs for Thriving; programs that empower individuals, teams and organizations with ways to develop skills that build trust, understanding, empathy and connection.