How to be present by listening to yourself.

When my kids were young, we had a routine around dinner. I cooked, and they were supposed to set the table.

“Set the table.”

“OK, Mom.”

Five minutes later: “Could you please set the table?”

“OK, Mom.”

A few minutes later: “Come on, it’s almost time for dinner. Please set the table now.”

“OK, Mom.”

You can probably hear where this is going.

Eventually, I would reach my loudest, most frustrated version of “GET UP AND SET THE TABLE NOW!” And my three kids would appear from the living room and set the table.

Until one day, I actually heard myself.

Why am I yelling so loudly? Why do I do this every day? This wasn’t the person I wanted to be.

So I decided to stop yelling.

That sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, deciding to change and changing are two different things.

The next day, I started down the same path. But just before I reached my loudest level, I recognized the feeling. I remembered that I didn’t want to do this anymore.

I stopped one level earlier.

Over the following days, I started recognizing the frustration sooner. But my kids still weren’t getting up.

That’s when I realized we had all learned this routine. I had learned to repeat myself until I yelled. They had learned to wait until I did.

I had helped create the very behavior that frustrated me.

We needed to unlearn it together.

I started telling them that I didn’t want to yell, but I was getting close. That helped them recognize where we were in the familiar routine and respond sooner. As I learned to interrupt my reaction earlier, they learned they didn’t have to wait for my loudest voice.

It took practice, repetition, and cooperation. Eventually, “Please set the table” led to the table being set.

We did it together.

As leaders, we can become so focused on getting other people to change that we overlook the habits we’ve developed together. We repeat instructions. We take work back. We step in whenever someone hesitates. Over time, everyone learns their part.

Being present helps us notice that pattern and question our own role in it. Then we can bring the team into the conversation: What keeps happening? How are we each contributing? What could we do differently?

I could decide to change my approach, but creating a better dinner routine required all of us. The same is true in leadership. Unlearning starts with a willingness to examine what we do. Collaboration helps us practice something better.

I’ve spent much of my career helping people work more effectively. With over 30 years in technology, business analysis, and entrepreneurship, that has meant asking questions, untangling processes, and helping organizations connect what they want to accomplish with how work actually gets done.
Along the way, I’ve learned how much leadership shapes the outcome.

A process can look excellent on paper and still leave people frustrated. Technology can offer extraordinary capabilities while adding complexity to someone’s day to day. A leader can have the best intentions while missing what their team needs because they’re too busy preparing an answer to hear the whole question.
That last observation applies to me as well.

Throughout my career, as both an entrepreneur and an employee, I’ve experienced a wide range of leadership styles. My own approach continues to evolve. I value responsibility, follow-through, and accountability. I’ve also learned to pay closer attention to the person doing the work—their perspective, circumstances, strengths, and the support they need to succeed.

That requires presence. It requires a willingness to pause, listen, and question something that may have worked well for years.

Those lessons are at the heart of my book, Creating Time; The Key to Productivity to Peace.

For me, creating time begins with examining how we think, lead, and respond. When we rush into decisions, hold tightly to familiar approaches, or assume we already understand, we can create more work for ourselves and everyone around us. Pausing gives us room to notice what we’ve missed and choose our next step with greater clarity.

Today, through The Salient Strategist, speaking opportunities, and my podcast - Time To Press Pause, I help leaders explore what that looks like in everyday practice.
How do we give someone our full attention?
How do we invite honest feedback and sit with what we hear?
How do we recognize when experience is helping us and when it is keeping us attached to an outdated belief?

My presentations combine practical business experience, personal reflection, and exercises that give audiences an opportunity to examine their own habits. We explore focus, listening, observation, and unlearning, with an emphasis on actions participants can bring into their next conversation or decision.

I want people to leave with a clearer understanding of how they lead and the confidence to try something different.

Creating time starts with being present enough to recognize what deserves your focus.